Health Insurance Jokes

The chairman of a large charity noted that the wealthy CEO of a major managed care company had never given him a donation He called on the CEO in an attempt to persuade him mend his ways. “Our research shows that you made a profit of over $600,000 last year, and yet you have not […]

A man walks into a Doctor’s office.  He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks. “You’re not eating properly,” replies the Doctor.

Insurance Companies who refuse to reimburse for Glucose Monitoring Strips Take Note! An unnamed manufacturer of blood glucose meters is about to announce the development of a major breakthrough in medical care: a new meter that can measure blood caffeine levels. This innovative device is due for release on April 1st.  The “CoffeeMeter” will utilize

Managed Care Finds Cure for Diabetes; Endocrinologists Take the Plunge Declaring diabetes mellitus non-existent, managed care companies nation-wide have managed to wipe out diabetes throughout the United States, it was announced today. It was explained that any patient insisting that they have diabetes will be re-diagnosed as having paranoia, and hence will be ineligible for

News Flash: “Doctors at a large managed care network gone on strike.  Managed Care Officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.”

An ophthalmologist, a priest and an HMO CEO were waiting to tee off at their local country club. Two guys in front of them were stumbling around, hitting balls in all directions, swinging and missing and in general holding up the whole show. The club pro happened to walk by and the three called him

A man walking into a hospital notices a prominent surgeon and his surgical resident down on their hands and knees digging in one of the flower beds. He goes over to them and asks, “Can I help? Did you lose something?” “No,” says one of the surgeons, “We’re about to do a heart transplant on

At a scientific research convention one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from lab rats to managed care reviewers for our experiments?” The other asked, “Why the switch?” “Three reasons,” he replied, “First we found that these reviewers have become far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants

A doctor was walking on the beach and noticed an empty bottle. He kicked the bottle. A genie suddenly came out of the bottle and said “Gee thanks!! I’ve been locked in the bottle for five hundred years!! Just for that I’ll grant you three wishes. I have to warn you, however, that each of

The Pope, an HMO CEO and a student nurse are flying on an airplane. The captain comes back and says that he has some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is that the plane is going to crash! As he puts on a parachute and jumps out he says that the